Hay Hay

Dear Hayden,

Today was your third birthday, and I can’t believe it. How are you already three? You are already such a big boy. I wish I had the words to tell you how much I love you, but no matter what I say you will never fully understand, so I’ll just tell you some of the things about you that I love.

I love remembering how you fit on my tummy when you were first born. It was the best way to get some sleep you would sleep forever. I still remember it, your tiny little body fit fight over my stomach. That might gross you out, sorry.

I love how you steal my spinach salad. What three year old likes spinach salad?

I love how you mix up your words, and you pause when you are trying to find the right ones, and then the wrong ones, which are so close, come out anyway.

I love when you give me your crooked smile, and when you curl your lip up on one side sometimes when you talk.

I love your laugh, especially when it’s uncontrollable. I even love your mischevious laugh. The one that tells me you did it on purpose, and yes, It was worth it. It’s also the one that tells me I’ll look back and laugh, and I do.

I love your little voice. I love when you talk. I don’t hear it as much as I hear your brother’s, but when it comes out it’s heavenly.

I love how you have your calm, ecstatically happy, and then enraged. You get that from your dad. I feel bad when you’re so hurt that get in a sumo stance and yell until your face turns red, but I love that you let mommy calm you down, and I love that you’re a sensitive little boy.

I love how you take everything in. I see you, you know. I see you scanning the world, analyzing everything until you feel comfortable. I wonder just what you make of it all. I love it when you make something happy out of it, and quietly your eyes light up.

I love it when you share. You’re really good at it, and it’s funny when you don’t understand how other kids aren’t. You even shared your new prized airplanes today with your brother. You asked him if he wanted to sleep with it, which was definitely an ultimate act of kindness on your part.

I love how you know when I’m not really listening, and just agreeing with you when I’m busy. You make me stop and pay attention when you tell me to “Talk loud!”

I love how you suck your thumb. I’m scared for the day when you will be too big for that to be cute. I could spend all day holding you and your blanket while you suck away at your thumb. Did you know your thumbsucking saved my sanity your first year of life? And don’t worry, we’ll fix your teeth.

I love your attachment to your green blankey, and all your other crocheted blankets.
I love singing songs with you every night. You are now up to wanting 3-4 songs before bed and I love how you request them with your thumb in your mouth. They are, Jingle Bells, your favorite song from Tarzan and Mary Poppins, and sometimes Book of Mormon stories and I love to hear you sing. Just thinking about it makes me cry.

I love how you run want to run around naked and I love your little body.
Did you know we call you mountain goat? You are the best climber, especially the best climber of couches, and then you always have to jump. I love to watch you jump. I always pray you don’t get hurt, but you’re so coordinated and when you’re flying through the air you’re look exhilarated.

I love how when you’re tired, you hunch over and walk around with your arms swinging like a gorilla. And the faces you make. The happy ones are so happy, the serious ones are so serious, and the sad ones tear me apart.

I love how you copy your brother and look up to him, but don’t worry I know you are your own person. There’s only one Hay Hay.

Thank you for being my little boy. I wish you could always be little, and always mine.
You make me happy.
Mommy loves you.