Notes from the Life of a Dysfunctional Housewife: August 2011

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I Have a First Grader

Guess what?! I found my camera. It was exactly where I thought it was, it was just covered up and neither me, my sister, or my mom could find it, but guess who did? Tyler. I'm so glad he's not blind like me and the rest of my family.

Jackson had his first day of school today and is now officially a first grader! He was so excited! He had his backpack and his lunchbox, which are both matching transformer bags, ready to go the night before, along with all his school supplies, his clothes and his shoes. He was so prepared and if I was as prepared as he was, I would have known that school started at 9:15 and not 9:30. So, Jackson was late on his first day, but he handled it great. Luckily he has the same teacher as last year and he's in the same room. We LOVE his teacher and so does he. The day felt so long with him gone, but he told me and his teacher that he could have stayed there all day. He loved it. So I'm not so worried about him as I am Hayden. He loves his brother and definitely missed him today.

Ty doesn't have to report back to school until tomorrow so he was able to drop Jackson off and pick him up. I was going to take a picture of him at school in the morning, but since we discovered we were late, it didn't happen. At least we were on time picking him up, so we took a picture. We love our first grader!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Sorry, No Pictures

because I can't find my camera! I know that I have seriously slacked on the blogging, but I still take pictures all the time. I love my camera, but it's gone. It is either misplaced in this large house, or I accidentally left it at the splash park last Tuesday. I'm praying it's option #1, but it's driving me crazy. Pray for me. It's not time to buy a new one. I just want a new house. Not too much to ask right? Just a house, everybody needs one.

No news on the house (that we want). We had a chance to get a house that is our number 2 choice, but we passed and are waiting on house #1. We're supposed to get bank approval this week, which means probably not until next week (when Jackson starts first grade), or later.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and I'm done. Apparently I have gestational diabetes, which I feel is actually a bunch of crap. The guidelines have changed and I had the same problems with my other children and they were fine. I have expressed my feelings that this is bologna, but they are still making me test my blood and have convinced me that I don't love my child if I don't continue to eat perfectly, and be perfectly miserable. I have such a good attitude, I know. 7 more weeks didn't seem like anything terrible, until this diagnosis. I don't know if I'll survive.

Alright, done complaining. Jackson is missing his two front teeth at the same time and it is soooo cute! He pulled it out all by himself while he was supposed to be going to sleep. He came out of his bed with bloody hands and a bloody tooth and said, "I did it Mom!" He was so happy. It was slightly morbid. I'll show pictures of toothless when I have access to a camera that I can download pictures from. :(

Jackson"s Quote Wall of Fame

1.10 "Mom! I figured it out! White is the same color as milk and snow!"
10.27.09 - "Mom, why do you do what you do-ed when you did, (pause) what you did?" (Translation - Why do you always do that?)
7.23.09 - When we were in Michigan Grandma Jones asked about the talk I gave on Sunday. She said, "Shelly what was your talk on?" Without looking up from his dinner Jackson said, "It was on a piece of paper."
"Ugh, I am fwustwated! You guys stop laughing at me." (Talking to me and Ty)
"Mom, what happens if we don't have arms?"
"Mom, what happens if we don't have lips?"
"Mom, what happens if we don't have uvulas?"
"Mom, I have an infection in my throat. It's behind my uvula."
Whenever Hayden is being reprimanded or sent to time out Jackson asks, "Mom, are you happy at me?" or he says, "Mom, I am a good boy."
"Daddy, I'm going to get you two earings and a nice dress because you are a girl."
While crying Jackson said, "Mom, I have tears coming out. I'm just going to let them fall, they will just dry."
"Mom, did I pop out of your belly button?"
"Mommy, did you know Santa loves me?"
After I put Jackson to bed he came out and said, "Mom. Stop making noises! I can't sleep. No spraying (I had been pre-treating laundry with shout) or talking, or wrestling, or just, like, playing with dad." And then he huffed back to his room.
"Ow, Mom! I hurt my leg. Now I won't be so stinkin cute!"
"Dad, I want you to read me stories. You big fat pig!"
Jackson: "Mom, I'm going to lick you." Me: "Do NOT lick me." Jackson: "Do you want me to put a candy corn up your nose?" (As if those two things are related. Don't lick, therefore, stick candy corns up my nose.)
"Daddy sits in dog poo and does his homework. HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE"
(While we were driving in the car) Mom! I have to go potty! Can I pee on the car?
I'm just a leeeeeeeetle bit mad, not a lot mad, just a leeeeeeeeetle bit.
"The Holy Ghost has three holes."
"No! Don't kill the fly! He doesn't want to be killed! He wants to be alive!" Me: "Jackson, I'm going to kill the fly. It's in my house and they're gross." Jackson: "I will just squish the spiders." Me: "If you get to squish the spiders, I get to kill the flies." Jackson: "Ok."
Me: "Jackson, I love you." Jackson: "You're welcome. I love you too."
Jackson: "Is your tooth all gone?' Me: "Yes." (I had to get a tooth pulled) Jackson:"I will just be a Dentist so that I can just put your tooth back in for you." (Won't that be the greatest day of my life, when my son becomes a dentist? Then he can really help me when I'm old and all my teeth have even more major problems.)
Jackson: "I love you now Mommy, but I didn't love you at the store."
Me: "Tell you father not to be ridiculous." Jackson: "Don't be a dickless."
Jackson came down the hall with a blanket tied around him like a cape. "Mom, I have a cape! Will you help me fly?" Two minutes later, "Mom! I need help!" (He still wasn't flying.)
"I need blue floss so my teeth won't fall out."
"I ate all my sugary junk."
Almost every night when Jackson is going to bed he stalls by asking, "Mom can I watch a show with you? Can I watch Dancing Through The Stars?"
"Can I have my own Marshmallow Maybes?" ( I have told him a thousand times that it is "Mateys")
Grandpa Jones came over and saw our new couches. Jackson informed him that, "Your bum goes here!" and pointed to a spot on the couch.
While looking at himself in the mirror Jackson said, "You are my best friend."
As we were reading a book about the Great Barrier Reef by Australia Jackson said, "You go there with Daddy tomorrow and Grandma Jones will watch me." (Don't I wish?)
While pointing the remote at Ty: "I turned you into a TV!"
After I spiked Jackson's hair he looked into the mirror and said, "I look like a porcupine!"
Phrases Jackson says every day: "Would that be sound good?" and "What color is the (his) poo?"
While walking from our car to our house, a dog was running around on the grass and started running toward Jackson. He screamed the loudest high-pitch scream ever uttered by a child and then yelled, "Mommy, Mommy!" while running to me. After we made it into the house Jackson said (while crying), "I'm scared of dogs. I just like cats."
Jackson: "You are a cookie. I'm going to eat you all gone." Shelly: "No you are a cookie" J: "(Gasp) I am not a cookie! I don't go in the oven!"
Jackson to Tyler: "Turn around, leave, and never come back."
"Awwwww, you are my precious mommy."
"You are a pineapple. I'm going to eat you up."
"I have to go on a mission at church. I have to leave. You can't come. Don't cry mom."
Jackson: "I want to go to the Trampolines (Jump On It)!" Me: "We'll go when you're potty trained." J: "I don't want my potty train!"
"Good job mom. You good job jobber. You're a great job." (Apparently I've been emphasizing "good job" lately.)
"I'm a sad little monkey. I need my grandma."
Jackson: "On Christmas we will celebrate Jesus's Birthday and he will need a party hat."
(Jackson was talking about the Book, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas") Jackson: "And the Grinch tried to steal their stuff." Me: "We don't steal things, do we?" Jackson: "Do we play nicely with the Grinch?"
(Jackson was hopping on the floor like a frog instead of eating dinner) Me: "Eat your food frog!" Jackson: "Eat your mommy! Ribbit."
"You've got to be kidding me guys!"
"Do dogs eat dog poo?"
Me: Do you want a party with Grandma and Grandpa? Jackson: No I want to party with Santa.

Hayden is Talking

2.4.11 "He is being a goofpants." (talking about Jackson)
2.4.11 "He is being a slow coach." (Also talking about Jackson - and his ability to get ready for bed.)
12.8.10 "Mom, did you go to a baby shower?" Me: "Yes." H: "Did you put the baby in the shower?!"
6.10 "Mom, it is indescribable because it's not describable."
Hayden: "Mom, what are you reading?" Me: "Fablehaven." Hayden: GASP "Like me?" Me: "What do you mean?" Hayden: "FableHAYDEN!"
1.10 Me: "Hayden your brother is hyper!" Hayden: "Is he going to go to hyperspace?"
When I put Hayden down for a nap I always tell him not to break the rules (which are basically no getting out of bed). The other day he came out of his room after taking a nap and said, "Mom. I fixed the rules. They aren't broke." (aka - he went right to sleep and didn't get out of bed.)
8.16.09 "Mom, are you done being a cranky pants?:
When Hayden was mad at me he said, "AAAAAH! I want to BONK you on de HEAD!" And he did.
Mommy: "Hayden, where do we go pee pee?" Hayden: "On . . . the . . . FLOOR! Hahahahaha."
"It stinks like a horse!"
"What's up, sir?"
"I have a question for you! What is happening?"
"Mom, can I be nakie for a minute?"
"Mom, sing Alladin" (I'm translating) Me: "You sing Alladin" (A whole new world) Hayden: "Ok. Go Laddi, Go Laddi, Go Laddi."
Tonight Jackson found the big dipper in the sky and said, "Look! The big dipper!" To which Hayden said, "Star! No Dip!"
"More Kistal (Crystal) Light!" I'm trying to replace my Diet Dr. Pepper with something, and apparently he's caught on to what it is.
"No sceeeming (screaming) Hyrum! (Those of you in my ward might know who he was yelling this at.)
Belly Button = "Buddy Button"
Hayden came with me to practice the organ. He stood up on the bench ( which he knows he is not suppossed to do) Then, with a huge smile on his face, he said, "Naughty!"
Jackson had to go potty and I told him to show Hayden how to do it. He was standing up and when he started to go pee pee Hayden said the most enthusiastic, "Oh Wow!" I've ever heard him say.